I finally take a minute to pause and write down a few of my thoughts. It has been a whirlwind since November when my parents came to visit. I cherished each and every moment they were hear, and it sure was hard to watch them go. Now that I have a child, 6 months seems like a lifetime, just so much happens in that short amount of time. It is when the tailspin of emotions began, and it's been a roller coaster ever since. The rush of excitement after making the decision to move onto the boat has faded a bit and the fears and doubts have crept in. It has really made me look at WHY we've decided to make this move, and I have to say I'm still satisfied with our answer.... SIMPLICITY. It seems like such a plain, generic, vague word. As I searched for the answer though, I actually was overwhelmed with its complexity and depth. It's like the endless rabbit hole, all the different ways to obtain it. When it comes down to it though, as I search and search for the answers to our many questions, seeking peace and happiness, longing to be enough... it truly is simple. We must let go.
It is funny how the universe brings you the answers you seek. I love to read, and had recently finished the book
Momma Zen that a friend lent me and loved it (written by a Zen Buddhist Priest) and wanted to read her next book
Hand Wash Cold - Instructions for an Ordinary Life so it was my Christmas present to myself. I just devoured the book and was ready for the next. Unexpectedly a friend stopped by and dropped off
Eat Pray Love which I also loved. The book I'm on now is
Simplicity Parenting, which was recommended by a friend on Facebook. It finally hit me as I was talking with some friends, the message absolutely blaring..... Simplicity. Stop looking, searching, obsessing, over the "next thing" to do, to learn, to obtain, to enhance and just be. YOU are enough, THIS (even dishes, laundry and cooking) is what it's all about, and it's absolutely PERFECT (good or bad). I feel like when I read these types of books, in the back of my mind it's "yeah yeah yeah, so what to I need to do to get THERE.... because I'm definitely not IT, haven't found that place of Zen, or done whatever it is that needs to be done to get me to THAT place. What do I need to do, learn, say, buy to get me there PLEASE tell me." The answer is clear, the answer is simple. Let go and embrace what is, right this moment. I've it read this same message over and over again for years now, but finally I think it's sinking in (I know I'm a little slow). For some reason it feels scary to me, to let go of all the angst and worry. Like things might fall apart, but I know deep down it is a false sense of control. I can't control the next moment, but I can alter the way I engage in the present. If I remain in the present moment, and am fully aware, how can I make a bad decision.
As I read these books, it made me feel so at ease that I am not seeking an irresponsible life. I am simply taking the steps to disengage from the masses and carving a path of my own. One that speaks to me on such a deep level, that makes sense, for both my family and I. It is not an egocentric journey, but one that strips away the unnecessary clutter and debris and allows us to engage fully with life and each other. I also love that this way of life will allow my son a true childhood, filled with adventures and innocence.
I am feeling empowered, that we are moving towards something beautiful... a simple life. Getting there is part of the journey and I am trying to embrace each moment. I have been overwhelmed by the support of our friends, as we had a painting party over the weekend and they rallied and helped us to repaint almost our entire house. We're prepping it to rent out, as we plan to move aboard Kaizen in May. G continues to work on projects on the boat and will be finishing the fridge soon. I was so impressed with how well it's come together so far!
Each day we move forward with purpose and with passion, reveling in the satisfaction that we are making the most of TODAY.
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| My little Zen Master |
